So my AMAZING friend sequoia and I where talking a few minutes ago. And earlier this evening I was sharing with her that I freaked out like I was talking about before. She asked what caused this, and I told her I was definitely sure the cause was my grandfather. As I also previously wrote about. SO then she asked what did he do? But my phone died. So now as I'm talking to her on yahoo messenger :] amazing messaging system if you're interested, I tell her a ridiculous story of what happened with my grandfather
"ZJKG: ok so I was walking by my grandpa's room and I heard very large smashing noises coming from inside. and i was like.. wtf? it's probably just
ZJKG: mice. so i kept walking. and then i heard it more but even louder. so i thought it was like more mice er something. but then i heard a -
ZJKG: gun shot. and was like damn.. lol i'm gonna have to move now. fuck. and then i started texting you."
And she says "Lol! Wtf? you didnt check on him??"
Hi. this is zech. high. at. jeremy's. house. we're listening to dane cook. he's kool. lol periods!. I'm going to look up the word co-conspirator so I can figure out if I can use it it in this context. hld on. lol no it doesn't but kinda. here is my co-conspitor jeremy >> okay never he'll do it next time. we're watching startrek next gen. i's not as good as original star trek. spock was better. It's crazy, omg rose wants food. that would be awesome to be-friend dane cook. wow bread. it's dry. it's to nosy. i don't do that. you should. well I don't. mhamam or chips? i have some chips. whwat kind? idk ruffles. Well can i have some? well i don't. no no. <
I'M DRUNK BHAUAHAHAHA FUCK YEAH hehe. heres jeremy - today has been nine which = awesome=] of hanging out at the mall stealing lol then going to the park and hangin out. while at the park me and zech hear the ice cream man lol and chase after it it was so damn fast and hard to catch up to thank god for a little girl who was in front of us as we chased after it to stop it zech got some ice cream and hot cheetos for me=D hes a good friend. now this is zech again yeah that all was fun as fuck and that run was like a 50 mile marathon we didn't even know if we could make it all the way. the ice cream felt funny and then we layed down and went back up and it felt like everything got higher. anyways we had to go back to my house and had to keep it kool in front of people so they didn't know we where drunk but then we mashed pumpkins. now jeremy's playing mmobsters on FACEBOOK! LOL WOO>. he makes over 3,000,000 and hour. thats a pimp. so yeah today kicks ass majorly. so awesome. FUCK YOUR MOTHER
FUCK YOUR MOTHER BITCH
So I was thinking about chikis. >correctly/also spelled Chiquis<>also spelled AMAZING<. And I thought to myself "She's so amazing. I should devote an entry to her." SO this is devoted entirely to chikis. She's my hairy baby. Not biological but spiritually. That's it. I'll just post a picture er something.
Ok so this is five minutes later, I'm just editing this post: I... can't find a picture of my beloved child and it would honestly just be to much effort to find one or take another so... maybe later.
and then two months later... :O THERE'S A PICTURE
I'd like to think of myself as a person that has a strong control of their emotions for the most part. But for years my worst problem has been anger. I don't get in physical fights or anything but when I really get pissed off.. I don't even feel like myself anymore. I totally go insane, not thinking straight, focusing on the problem (which usually isn't big at all) and having unnaturally strong spasms, like hitting something or grabbing something and trying to crush it, or bite it, sometimes even just slamming into things. And no I'm not one of those little brats that if they don't get their way throws a temper tantrum, I usually try to contain it until someone isn't looking or isn't around. For example, yesterday my mother woke me up. It was fine, but then I was about to eat a little pie snack thing and as I had it in my hand my mother comes up and says I won't be able to have this Ice cream thing after dinner. YES I know this sounds childish but please just don't judge me, lol anyways, I have no clue why but I just flipped out. At the second those two eatable things became the only important things world to me and just another human questioning my attaining them drove me insane. My heart starts pounding, I get hot, my muscles became insanely tight like I was having a strong adrenalin rush, and I went to my room and started... growling?. Yeah, it's weird, it happens, instead of yelling I growl. So all this time I'm trying to reason with myself like, why are you feeling like this? it's a stupid snack you crazy bitch! but the feeling didn't go away and almost came to blowing up whenever I would try to even talk about this decision to eat a stupid snack. BUT yeah that's what happens sometimes. It's not like anybody reads this but if something out of the ordinary happens like I'm not the news or a friend is like oh you blog? that's weird whats the url? or I die and people are like hey that guy died I wonder what he wrote about - BAM, Does anybody reading this have a thought on why I'm flipping out so hard? kaliikoa@msn.com
I just got home from a small group session at my church and we came across a few pointless but very interesting questions. One of them that stuck out to me was 'Do we have a free will to direct our lives, or does God always control the outcome, and if so then does God call or condemn us from birth?'. It's one of those questions that the answer is based mostly on mindset and opinion, but I'll just share some of mine and countering opinions. Now I personally think that we have a predestined life. God made us and knew exactly what would happen to us. Not saying that we can't enjoy life and make choices, I just think whatever we do may it be good or bad, our life has been mapped out from the start. It's really hard to actually pinpoint what the Bible is trying to say on this matter because it does express that we have a free will and are aloud to choose our destiny, but a controversial verse that sticks out to some is when God "hardened pharaoh's heart' to the point where he didn't free the Jews. In that the normal understanding of that is that He changed pharaoh's mind and therefore took away free will. BUT the antithesis to that thought would be that he put certain and particular circumstances in pharaoh's life to nudge his heart into 'being hardened'. Still that can be countered by saying that it doesn't matter how God might have done it, by way of changing settings or circumstances, it still ended up being God altering a decision. That's one part of this subject. The next part that was brought up in this conversation was if predestination is true then why would a perfect God predestine people into hell? And it went even farther to say if God is perfect then why did he create evil. I won't get into that now but I have a few entries awhile back about what I think on that subject. Again this subject can be argued on forever but if any reader has an idea on the subject I'd be glad to hear it. Also a friend that's on the people I follow on here is writing about the same subject that I haven't read yet and it might mention something I missed so read that one too, her name is sequoia. :]
Okay so this entry is about what I most like about this blogging system. One good quality it gives is just a place to vent whatever comes to mind, may it be good or bad, stupid or brilliant. And I'm not sure about everyone else but I personally can express myself better and bolder through writing. Whenever I try to recite these idea's going through my head to my family or friends verbally it always sounds way worse than when I get the chance to write them down. The second best thing is it's pretty much like a myspace/facebook but everyone writes a bunch of stuff so you can get to know them even more just because this sense of security behind a screen allows them to express who they really are. These are just some of the small reasons I'm liking this website. But I would honestly have to say by far the koolest part of writing here is... okay I'll try to elaborate this so you can understand why, before I say it. So the first few of my entry's where from quite awhile back that I just transferred onto this site from my other writing spots, and a majority of them where questions about God that I wanted people to clear some speculations up for me. So I posted them on that Yahoo answers website. And it was just so stupid to me what happen when people started answering my questions in about 5 minutes. About 90% of these assholes where atheists just telling me that "Wow you give the non-existent of credit" and stuff like that all condescending and shit. I know I've mentioned atheists in one of my previous entries in a negative light and to any atheist that might be reading this I'm not trying to circle you out or offend you but that is defiantly my favorite part about this whole thing. When I ask stuff like that, I'm not assaulted by atheists and random people that just like explaining how stupid I am instead of wanting to help give me an answer. But yeah that's defiantly the best part.
GOOD NEWS!!! I just wanted to announce to the world that we now have nothing to worry about. It's all fine now, live your lives in peace. THE ANTI CHRIST DID NOT FULLFILL HIS DESTINY<< I repeat the anti christ did not fullfill his destiny, mostly because he is lazy, stupid and sitting in my living room talking on his telephone. Yes everyone, my grandfather as a matter of fact is, the anti-christ. Evil, revolting, self-rightous pain in the ass. I neither pity his existance nor feel anything towards him, and he causes everyone that he meets (especially my family that lives with him) to go insain. But, today I was given hope, that maybe... I wont have to end his life prematurely. The happening that gave me this sudden change of heart was extremely hilarious to me and has taught me a lesson. If a senial person is too stupid to understand how stupid they are and drive you FUCKING INSAIN, laugh at them. Laugh all you want in the knowledge that A. They are such a lower being than you its unbelievable, and B. You might someday be as bad as them and drive the people around you FUCKING INSAIN, also. You know you think it would be at least a little bit fun, everyone has a small but noticable sadistic side. Just to give you alittle background of mine and my grandfathers relationship, I despise him. He thinks he controls everything and ever thing that he hears he asks about over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over etc. I have not heard anything new from him in about 11 years, he flirts with women about having sex even though he's to old to do so, and everytime I correct him on anything, he gets pridefully pissed off and starts argueing, not about the actual subject but normally something like "Do you think your grandfather is stupid?" and finally when he has nothing else to defend is stupidity with he reverts to "Well maybe you should just move out". Anyways, thats just a basic outline, and this is what happen today: [Keep in mind my grandfather is completely blind]. I'm sitting and playing the piano in the living room where the anti-christ resides. He thinks he hears a fire truck driving by and stopping just down the block, which of course there was no fire truck. So at the conclusion of my song, he says "Well... I'm gonna go to the bathroom, and get my jacket.. so I can go say hi to some of the guys." And at the moment I was confused, I said What guys?. He says "The guys from the fire department, over on that truck down the street. I haven't seen them in awhile I might as well go say hi.". Now I start to understand his insanity. See, my grandfather worked as a Fire Ambassador back in the early 1970's, so of course he would assume he was a legend there. So I tell him how crazy that is in a calm way, and he gets offended that I am questioning his knowledge. I tell him grandpa... the men on the truck that might not even be there where probably peeing themselves in dipers when you where in the FA program. Anyways yeah he still thought that his 90 year old buddies would be sweeping the city in pursue of burning disasters. So then I just say, Okay go ahead, go find your buddies. How are you gonna get to this truck when you can't see it?. His response was the truly great part about this ordeal. He goes "Well i'll go out and walk around and when they see me they'll yell 'Hey Jim, over here!". At this point I got excited. I said okay cool, go find your friends, but let me just tell you now, you won't find anybody, and you'll probably get lost. Then I left. So did he LOL. he went two houses down and got lost so I had to get him. SO yeah great day. I've now learned to laugh at the anti-christ.
FUCK! DAMNIT! I just wrote this damned article 2ce over the second time getting it even better than the first and deleted it twice on accedent. But I'll try to regenerate as much as I can from this subject. I've been wondering and contemplating the idea of Evil lately and wondering what makes Evil things morally wrong. If I were to walk out of my house to find the first accessable person and punch them in the mouth until they were unconcious and bleeding on the ground, why would that be evil? People from as far as anyone can remember and before that have judged each other on what we do, and how we do it. A good example for this subject is Charlie Manson and his followers. Some of them said that didn't think what they had done was wrong in any way. Even so they were on drugs and supposedly out of their minds but who can say differently to them? Who can say that they did something evil by stabbing people to death? If someone tells me that there are sertain things that someone can do in this life that are evil then they are admitting that this is a perfect God. Only a perfect being can dictate what is good and what is evil. Not any of us, or the goverment, or any powerful fellow human being can wholey decide what is good and what is bad. I've also been somewhat falling back in my faith in Christianity until this came to mind, and I thank my father for this recallection he told me. One day he was at a local book store, and he got into a religous conversation with a homosexual man. This man was open to hearing what my father had to say, and honestly asked questions and told my father about his childhood and his parents had split up, and how his life has just been tough all around. Then in the later part of this conversation the man asked my dad two questions. One was "So... do you really think being a homosexual is wrong?". My father's answer was yes, because it says in the Bible he does believe it is wrong, but that doesn't mean he looks down on the man anymore than any straight man he would meet because nobody is perfect, but we all need to try to be. This didn't anger the man because again he seemed very open to others opinions, but his second question was, "And what if you are wrong about gays and the bible and god?". My father then told him how fucked up his life was before he came to have a relationship with God, he was a drunk who got in fights every week, he was dishonest, and didn't have a direction for his life. And this is the part that really effected me. He said, I'm only human, and I believe with ever part of my mind and soul that there is a God who loves me and that I will go to heaven when I die and be at peace. So even if I'm wrong about God and heaven and right and wrong, at least this mental structure of thought gives me as much peace of mind that I can have in this life. If I'm wrong and I die and nothing hapens what's the difference? At least I had a direction and happyness in my life that I wouldn't have if I believed there was no perpose in life. >>I have nothing to lose<<. That was the end of there conversation and they both left peacefully. But this whole thing is mainly just saying, without a higher power or even a belief in a higher power there is no peace, theres no right and wrong, and therefore no perpose to life. I guess this is directed towards athiests because whoever is reading this can probably say I believe in God and good and evil, and not have the same basis of "Good and Evil" as me. But you know whatever, death doesn't worry me anymore. I have nothing to lose in believing in the Bible. So try as the reader, to personally examin yourself, from where or what do you get the "Phrame of Reference" of your thoughts and judgements.
One more thing, this is an entirely a separate subject but this is to everyone. I smoke weed and salvia, and take E etc. (basicly saying I do drugs) and I cuss. And people lately have been expressing to me that they think this is wrong. But whenever I ask them why they either say "it just is" or "drugs alters your mind so you aren't you while you're on them". To that I say bullshit. It isn't wrong to me, and to other Christians -> it isn't in the Bible, you've just been programmed to think that. If it's harmfull to me that oh wow that sucks really, but so is everything else, including eating. We're only getting closer to the end days so don't tell me that that is wrong please, it gives me the impression you are weak minded and easily influenced to blindly believe things you don't understand.
So I tried salvia 60x recently, and I can proudly say that I am now one of those people that can tell how amazing and hard to explain mental trips are. The effect seems work surprisingly quick. After you take hit the I've noticed with many different people that one of three things will happen depending on how much you and the setting and openness of your mind. You will either just start laughing hysterically, usually not really knowing why. This is fun the third kind of response is most worth it. Second response is you'll still be aware of your surroundings but you will just get some weird physical and mental feelings. Maybe somethings touching you, maybe the room is spinning, etc. The third and most epic response is normally gotten when you concentrate on opening your mind to anything and taking a good hit and holding it in for a long amount of time. It also helps if there is less people around, because there is less distraction. So now I'll tell you what happen to me. I inhaled it in my friends car and stepped outside and sat up against the door. The first thing that went through my mind is, hmm.. maybe its not working. So I tried to relax all the way and just let whatever happens happen. I don't actually remember this change of perception coming on, I think just because it was so fast. But I remember I was in a world of rythm, and the only way to fit into this world is to make a rythm with all the other beings. I remember it almost like a track line of thses strange things that looked like a mixure of card men from alice and wonderland/Umpalumpa's/and clowns. They kept flying by me like they wanted me to join them. So I tried and started moving with them. Not in a physical way but... yeah just moving. The rest of the world wasn't made up of space like air or anything, but it was made up of other smaller rythmic entities. So after I joined their beat it for some reason formed a bond with them, like I was one of them. At this time I totally wasn't aware that earth existed and I didn't know that I was tripping out, but I knew something was different. It seemed like I'd always been there somehow but something was just not right. After awhile I started seeing what was actually around me again but I was in the middle of these two worlds. Seeing this and feeling the other. =P Some of those beings where making up the shapes and form of jeremy's car, and the street lamp, and I remember they where giving me the feeling that Jeremy was standing in their way. So I told him to move a few times haha. As we where leaving I was moving more and more out of that place but they where still communicating to me through feelings telling me that I shouldn't go, and they would be sad if I left, because they were as interested in me and I was in them. But I told them that I had to go with Jeremy and said goodbye. For awhile that night I was actually upset like I left people that were close to me. It kindof changed how I see things in a certain respect. And also that night the thought kept occuring to me like.. Why do people have to have fun, and entertain themselves? In that place there was no need for people to try hard to be entertained it was just every was content and happy for no reason. But now I'm over it, but still think it was a good experience. lol get fucked up. it's fun
So Jeremy and I are bringing a camera around with us and filming us and others while we're out of our minds due to awesome substances :] http://www.youtube.com/user/ThatsNine we just got a few new videos today so it'll be growing pretty quick.
