Zech's Blog

I'd like to think of myself as a person that has a strong control of their emotions for the most part. But for years my worst problem has been anger. I don't get in physical fights or anything but when I really get pissed off.. I don't even feel like myself anymore. I totally go insane, not thinking straight, focusing on the problem (which usually isn't big at all) and having unnaturally strong spasms, like hitting something or grabbing something and trying to crush it, or bite it, sometimes even just slamming into things. And no I'm not one of those little brats that if they don't get their way throws a temper tantrum, I usually try to contain it until someone isn't looking or isn't around. For example, yesterday my mother woke me up. It was fine, but then I was about to eat a little pie snack thing and as I had it in my hand my mother comes up and says I won't be able to have this Ice cream thing after dinner. YES I know this sounds childish but please just don't judge me, lol anyways, I have no clue why but I just flipped out. At the second those two eatable things became the only important things world to me and just another human questioning my attaining them drove me insane. My heart starts pounding, I get hot, my muscles became insanely tight like I was having a strong adrenalin rush, and I went to my room and started... growling?. Yeah, it's weird, it happens, instead of yelling I growl. So all this time I'm trying to reason with myself like, why are you feeling like this? it's a stupid snack you crazy bitch! but the feeling didn't go away and almost came to blowing up whenever I would try to even talk about this decision to eat a stupid snack. BUT yeah that's what happens sometimes. It's not like anybody reads this but if something out of the ordinary happens like I'm not the news or a friend is like oh you blog? that's weird whats the url? or I die and people are like hey that guy died I wonder what he wrote about - BAM, Does anybody reading this have a thought on why I'm flipping out so hard? kaliikoa@msn.com